Twenty-Something Year Old Journalist

With the podcast cinematic universe continuing to expand at breathtaking speeds, it is finally my turn at self-gratification in the form of podcasting. 

It’s only fair. Why must my opinions only be subjected to those in close physical proximity to me? I have thoughts and opinions just like everyone else, but contrary to everyone else, mine deserve to be heard. 

Society doesn’t need scientists or teachers, it needs me, a microphone, and your inability to be left alone with your own thoughts.  

I will join the likes of B-list actors barely hanging on, social media stars trying to hang onto their 15 seconds of fame, and former frat boys in their selfless endeavors. 

Why start a podcast? Why even think or have thoughts if not sharing them with the world, allowing them to exist forever on the Internet? As the saying goes, if you have a thought but no podcast for people to hear it, does it count as a thought? 

I’d tell you what I’ll discuss in my podcast, but it doesn’t matter. You’ll listen regardless because your deep addiction to scrolling has created an attention deficit so otherworldly that you must now constantly be obtaining content.

My podcast is made for the people, by the people, which I hope you will keep in mind throughout my sponsored ads for cat chow that are there to remind you I’m only doing this for the ad sales. 

I’ve already professionally produced my intro song on Garage Band, a beautiful sound of digitized piano notes that will make you want to slam your head violently against a wall. I’m even in the process of building my podcast set that consists of a couch, a quirky figurine to show off my quirky personality, and my college diploma to remind you how much better I am than you. 

My guests will form an echo chamber so spectacular I might as well be talking to myself. Fitting, I know. 

Just don’t get too caught up with my reasoning for wanting to start. Think of it more as an opportunity for me to validate my self worth and satiate my intense hunger to feel seen and heard. 

Though the world is more digitally connected than ever, there’s still a lack of human connection with a burgeoning loneliness epidemic. No doubt that me speaking into the void will solve all. 

But before you get it twisted, this podcast is for you, not for me. It’s not a stroking of my ego, but rather a philanthropic endeavor I am bestowing upon the masses. My podcast guests would agree, then promptly promote their podcast. 

I predict my podcast will last no more than a couple months. By then, I’ll realize it necessitates too much work for how few followers I’m gaining. Remember, this is for you though, not for me. 

After my podcasting endeavor I will feel the need to continue to enrich the human race, which is exactly why my new cryptocurrency will help continue to highlight my altruistic tendencies by putting money in my bank.